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Scared
Jan 14, 2014 23:32:48 GMT
Post by lorddaxter on Jan 14, 2014 23:32:48 GMT
Im scared, I dont know what to do, Im such a wimp, I dont even know who I really am, I got lost somewhere, I just want to sleep and never wake up, I know people who are really sick and I pray to god to make them better and take me instead, I have no one to turn to, not even my parents, no one, Ive got myself in a real mess, I hate myself for being so pathetic and scared and useless, I cant even run away as I have too many animals to look after, anyway where would I go, I dont know what to do, I hate being shouted at, I can hear him now, I had a chance a year ago to come completely clean but I lied to make things better than they seemed thinking Id get it sorted before he found out everything, Im so stupid, but I havent and now things are happening and friday is d day, Im trying to get things sorted so he doesnt find out but Ive ran out of time, I dont know what to do, sorry but I had to write this down, nothing short of a lottery win or miracle can help me, please learn by my mistakes, dont hide things, the longer you leave it the worse its going to be, I laughed years ago at someone I knew taking assertiveness classes, wish Id taken them, Im sorry to unload but maybe it will give me courage or something.
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Terry
Junior Member
Central Illinois, USA
Posts: 1,466 
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Scared
Jan 15, 2014 1:45:43 GMT
Post by Terry on Jan 15, 2014 1:45:43 GMT
I have no idea what is going on, but please know that we are here for you, even if it is just as an ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on.
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mingiz
Junior Member
Los Lunas, NM
Posts: 3,320
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Scared
Jan 15, 2014 2:37:27 GMT
Post by mingiz on Jan 15, 2014 2:37:27 GMT
As Terry said. We are here to give you moral support, ears and shoulders. People do things and then regret what they have done. No one wants to be yelled at. But don't let yourself get into a depressed state over it. Learn from it. It may hurt now but in the end chalk it up as a lesson learned. Your stronger than you think...  |
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Scared
Jan 15, 2014 2:47:20 GMT
Post by horselady on Jan 15, 2014 2:47:20 GMT
You have been struggling for a long while about something in your life. if this week is the deadline than perhaps it is meant to be that he knows. you can not hide stuff and try to work it out. it alone. it eats at you and your relationship.
we all keep secrets from those we love, we sometimes think they will yell or think we are weak, and yes they will yell and yes we are weak, so what,
we are here for you and hopefully coming clean will not be all that bad.
and yes, your critters need you, and you are strong and you will overcome whatever is dealt to you. hugging you.
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nhg
Junior Member
Posts: 2,429
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Scared
Jan 15, 2014 3:29:43 GMT
Post by nhg on Jan 15, 2014 3:29:43 GMT
Talk to us! I'm very worried about you!
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Scared
Jan 15, 2014 11:02:08 GMT
Post by horselover4life on Jan 15, 2014 11:02:08 GMT
You're not alone...we are here for you! No matter what has happened you can work it through. Never look at the whole thing, only a small part that you can start to fix today. If that means you make a phone call and ask for assistance..that is a huge step to take. No one should be yelling at you, no one should ridicule or frighten you. You are a valuable friend and have many you don't realize that care for and what you do... No one should ever touch you in anger either, please never ever allow that to happen.Take the first step today and tell yourself you are strong, and will get through this with us, your friends, helping to give you support and encouragement where ever we can...we care!! As nhg said, "TALK TO US!" Sending a truckload of and strong shoulders in your direction... |
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Scared
Jan 15, 2014 12:49:36 GMT
Post by horselady on Jan 15, 2014 12:49:36 GMT
Please keep us informed of what is going on. we are worried about you and the critters too. perhaps message one of us and explain the situation.
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Scared
Jan 15, 2014 13:14:09 GMT
via mobile
Post by lorddaxter on Jan 15, 2014 13:14:09 GMT
Sorry, NHG please don't worry about me, you have enough on your plate.
Most of my problems are my own stupid fault as I never say no or stick up for myself.
I got an email from my mom asking where my dads birthday card was!.....I kinda lost it, I haven't sent that man a card since he innapropriately touched me when I was younger, really, I'll never forgive him, he was a bully too which is the main reason I'm such a wimp.
I emailed her back, I was kinda horrid, told her she had no idea what I was going through and I couldn't talk to her as I know dad emails hubby so anything I say will get back to him, cripes probably even that email!
My hubbys never hit me, come close a few times when he was younger, but yes I'm scared, mainly scared of what I'll do if he throws me out, what about my animals, suppose I'd just have to call the cops, not sure then what would happen.
I'm trying hard to stand up for myself, I woke up at 4am trying to figure what to say, I'll put some stuff on paper today, rehearse, feel like I'm going to puke.
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Scared
Jan 15, 2014 16:10:54 GMT
via mobile
Post by lorddaxter on Jan 15, 2014 16:10:54 GMT
You know my mom hasn't emailed or called in reply to that email, not sure if that's good or bad Lol!
Just to add to my misery a tree fell on my car this morning, not much damage luckily, let's hope the rest of the day goes better
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nhg
Junior Member
Posts: 2,429
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Post by nhg on Jan 15, 2014 17:34:59 GMT
Me having a health issue doesn't negate you having problems. Message me if you'd like. I think I'm only a three hour drive away, too, if you need anything. PM me if you'd like. Personally, if your dad did that to you I hardly see how you owe him anything now. It would be wonderful if you could have some sort of a positive relationship with him for your sake but if not, that's up to you. I feel that your mom shouldn't be putting that kind of a burden on you or getting involved in it at all.
As far as the other issue, I hope everything turns out okay. Usually the worry about things is far worse than what finally happens.
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Post by horselady on Jan 15, 2014 19:45:11 GMT
LD, if my father did that i would not send him cards either. and why should your mother tattle tale to your hubby things you say to her in the hopes it is between mother/ daughter. ? no wonder you are scared.
so your hubby will not throw you out. , and if he does take your critters with you if you can. and besides you should be thinking about those little baby birds and how to help them overcome the loss of their mother.
pm someone to vent or just to clear your head of what is going on and perhaps get some advice. since nhg is so close perhaps she would be the one to contact to help just in case.you need a helping hand.
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Post by horselover4life on Jan 15, 2014 19:56:11 GMT
I feel for you and I'm sorry you have such memories in your childhood, it sucks.
Just so you know... "Hubby" has NO RIGHT to throw you out, period!
You have just as much in your home, your relationship and financial status as he does. He has no right to dictate you leave...if he wishes to leave, open the door for him.
If you want to stay, you stay...if you want to go, you go...but under your own power and when you choose.
The word YOU is emphasized... hubby has no more rights to be in the house than you, maybe less.
Here is one of those places where change can start... if he dares to say "Go", you answer a simple "NO"...2 letters and the beginning of a new outlook and way of life for you.
Putting things on paper is good.
Don't feel you must be able to say all of it...it is difficult and it hurts.
Be honest and tell him there are some problems in your relationship, some you just can't verbally explain but you were able to write them down and if he would read what you wrote he would have better understanding and knowledge and then he could ask questions you would answer for him and talk about it together...but to just say all of it is more than you can do..it hurts you deeply...but the relationship means the world to you and working together to fix it is what matters and you need his help.
Of course much of this is if you want to fix your relationship...
Your problems stem from many things I bet, but need the care and understanding of him to work together as a team to defeat them and to heal and make your relationship stronger.
I send you strength in thought and for encouragement.
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Terry
Junior Member
Central Illinois, USA
Posts: 1,466
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Post by Terry on Jan 15, 2014 21:29:58 GMT
NHG, Horselady, and Horselover4life said it all far better than I ever could, and I agree with everything they said! If your father did that to you, you owe him nothing! Shame on your mother for expecting otherwise. I like the idea of writing down everything you want to tell your husband and letting him read it. Often that is going to be much easier than actually trying to speak the words. Once he's read it, then the two of you can discuss it, but stand strong and don't allow yourself to be forced out of your own home!
Big to you!!
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mistersmom
Junior Member
Abita Springs, LA
Posts: 3,749
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Post by mistersmom on Jan 15, 2014 22:45:43 GMT
Sending lot of prayers and . It may be bad for a short while but once everything is out in the open I think you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders. We are here for you when you need us. |
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Scared
Jan 16, 2014 20:01:22 GMT
via mobile
Post by lorddaxter on Jan 16, 2014 20:01:22 GMT
I'll update tomorrow afternoon I have a plan But thanks everyone  |
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Post by horselady on Jan 16, 2014 20:19:01 GMT
PLEASE private message someone your contact information, i am worried about you and so is everyone else. what is your plan.  ? please let someone be your sounding board and help , if it is just to listen and PERHAPS offer some advice or suggestions. it is important not to make the hole deeper than what it is. you need to trust someone who can help one way or another. |
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mingiz
Junior Member
Los Lunas, NM
Posts: 3,320
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Scared
Jan 17, 2014 3:04:15 GMT
Post by mingiz on Jan 17, 2014 3:04:15 GMT
Well a plan is a good thing. Hope it all works out for you...
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Post by lorddaxter on Jan 17, 2014 20:26:17 GMT
All is OK for now, I managed to buy myself another couple of months, I may talk to my parents see if they can help, good news is although my back issues are outstanding I won't have any more piling up, I told him I can't afford holidays etc so if he wants me to go he has to pay for me plus help with a few other things, meantime I have to sort something out for outstanding probs he knows nothing about.
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Scared
Jan 17, 2014 22:32:46 GMT
Post by horselover4life on Jan 17, 2014 22:32:46 GMT
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Scared
Feb 10, 2014 20:33:16 GMT
Post by lorddaxter on Feb 10, 2014 20:33:16 GMT
So situation is the same, this will all come to a head soon, I am planning on seeking some legal advice so I know where I stand and what to do/expect, I am dreading the moment but am preparing myself, I am expecting a few rough days immediately after but then I am hoping my sleep, stomach and nerve and stress issues may drop a bit once its out in the open and a decision to both our futures met, not sure how that will pan out or how I even want it to pan out, Ill prob know more on that once it happens!
Thanks for all your support, I am trying to pm someone with details but not quite ready yet
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? please let someone be your sounding board and help , if it is just to listen and PERHAPS offer some advice or suggestions. 