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Post by horselady on Nov 19, 2016 1:02:36 GMT
Why not do something for yourself.. have you discussed all this with your family? and i have a feeling that they will be happy you are doing something for you.. sure the initial cost of boots. and a helmet and pants is a bit much.. but after that. it is just the lessons..
and think of it as going to school for another major.. you are going to nursing school and also want to go to riding school.. and you can do both. .
hope you change your mind and re schedule.. oh and when someone of the family asks what you would like for the holidays as a gift. tell them a lesson.
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Post by horseless on Nov 19, 2016 14:09:07 GMT
Hl4l, ever since I became a mother I have always had trouble doing things for myself or even buying myself something that I need. But when it comes to my kids, husband, or even dog I don't bat an eye. Sadly over the years it's really gotten harder, so much so that I avoid doing things for myself pretty much all together. Sounds pathetic probably...
You are right, and I know it would be good for me to have something else going on right now.
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Lipizzan
Junior Member
Europe, Croatia
Posts: 2,572 
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Post by Lipizzan on Nov 19, 2016 14:13:17 GMT
I think you got caught up in beeing a mom and a wife, doing what "you suppose to do", what everybody expect from you. Don't feel guilty spending money on you. It is so unhealthy to put everybody first and you last. If you are not happy neither will your family be.  |
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Post by horseless on Nov 19, 2016 14:17:54 GMT
HL, yes I was telling my husband last night about this and how I was feeling. He told me I shouldn't have canceled and that I should start riding again. Canceling made me feel like I'll never ride again. Not sure if part of this is just me feeling insecure about riding again since it's been such a long time.
Im not sure what I'm going to do as of yet, maybe after the holidays would be a better time to start.
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Post by horseless on Nov 19, 2016 14:22:35 GMT
Lipizzan, you couldn't be more right. That is exactly how I feel also. Yes, you are right. It's hard to tell myself that my happiness is important because I'm so busy making sure that everyone else is happy and has their needs met.
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Post by horseless on Nov 19, 2016 14:36:43 GMT
I'm hesitant to reschedule, I feel like the instructor is really going to think I'm nuts..lol
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Post by horselady on Nov 20, 2016 0:42:24 GMT
You are not the only person going thru all this.. i too felt my kids should come first. until one day i decided to buy my first horse.. and you know what.. i felt better and was happier.
go talk to the instructor and tell her in person why you canceled. and i am sure she will understand. we instructors have heard it all. like a phyciatrist only cheaper. do not let your feelings get in the way..
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Post by majandra on Nov 20, 2016 16:51:51 GMT
I have felt similar to what you feel, and yep, it doesn't quite make sense. I had a friend once ask me "Why aren't you going out to the barn?" to which I replied "Because I really want to!"
It was much more complicated than that though of course, but that was it.
The thing is, we need to have things just for ourselves. And it is one of the easiest things to stop doing, and one of the more difficult to restart.
Something you should try:
Write down "I want to do riding lessons" or "I feel guilty about doing riding lessons"
Then, write down "Why?" and each thing you write, follow it with the next why, no matter how silly the answers may sound.
Another thing to do with it is ask "Why not?" and follow the same train of thought. The goal is to explore or break down the complex thoughts and feelings into the smaller things we clump together, or may not even realize that we are including in our first reactions.
At the end, look at your final answers, which is ultimately the answer to your first question.
Does that make sense?
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Post by horseless on Nov 21, 2016 19:32:26 GMT
HL, I bet you were. I can't wait for that day to come for me someday. I'm still working up my courage to talk to her about this, I might wait until the holidays pass.
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Post by horseless on Nov 21, 2016 19:37:06 GMT
I have felt similar to what you feel, and yep, it doesn't quite make sense. I had a friend once ask me "Why aren't you going out to the barn?" to which I replied "Because I really want to!" It was much more complicated than that though of course, but that was it. The thing is, we need to have things just for ourselves. And it is one of the easiest things to stop doing, and one of the more difficult to restart. Something you should try: Write down "I want to do riding lessons" or "I feel guilty about doing riding lessons" Then, write down "Why?" and each thing you write, follow it with the next why, no matter how silly the answers may sound. Another thing to do with it is ask "Why not?" and follow the same train of thought. The goal is to explore or break down the complex thoughts and feelings into the smaller things we clump together, or may not even realize that we are including in our first reactions. At the end, look at your final answers, which is ultimately the answer to your first question. Does that make sense? That is so very true, I never thought I'd be talking myself out of doing something that means so much to me. Im finding it much more difficult than I thought it would be. Thank you for that suggestion, I'm going to try doing that tonight. |
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Post by horselady on Nov 22, 2016 2:14:47 GMT
You will make the choice that is comfortable for you .. for now... mini-graphics-miscellaneous-219682
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Post by spirithawk06 on Dec 5, 2016 0:46:28 GMT
I almost sold my horse because I was feeling guilty about his expense when we're struggling. Then I stopped and realized that I have sacrificed so much in the name of success and family, that if I sold my horse, I'd have nothing other than working for my family and my family. I've given up pretty much all of my other joys and hobbies. We need something for ourselves. Don't feel guilty for wanting riding lessons. We all need our outlets.
You're working hard in nursing school. It's okay to reward yourself!
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Post by horselady on Jan 5, 2017 12:33:44 GMT
Just wondering if you are still considering riding lessons ?  |
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Post by horseless on Jan 5, 2017 13:25:05 GMT
I almost sold my horse because I was feeling guilty about his expense when we're struggling. Then I stopped and realized that I have sacrificed so much in the name of success and family, that if I sold my horse, I'd have nothing other than working for my family and my family. I've given up pretty much all of my other joys and hobbies. We need something for ourselves. Don't feel guilty for wanting riding lessons. We all need our outlets. You're working hard in nursing school. It's okay to reward yourself! Yes that is why its been so long since Ive ridden. But you are so right, I feel exactly the way you described. I do feel that I have lost so much of myself, I really dont have any hobbies anymore as I have soley been focusing on my family and school. |
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Post by horseless on Jan 5, 2017 13:31:28 GMT
Horselady- yes honestly there isnt a day that goes by that Im not thinking about it or looking up barns in my area, or going through websites looking for riding helmets and boots trying to figure out where i can get the best deal. There was even an ad for free lessons in return for work at a barn that I considered answering. Im still a bit torn, some days I feel that I can make it all works and other days I completly overwhelmed with the thought of balancing everything.
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Lipizzan
Junior Member
Europe, Croatia
Posts: 2,572
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Post by Lipizzan on Jan 5, 2017 15:29:36 GMT
Try for some time and see if it works for you ok, if not ok again. At least you tried. You can easily sell your riding boots, and nobody says you have to go to lessons if you don't want to. Take them one by one and see how it goes.
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Post by horselady on Jan 5, 2017 19:50:20 GMT
Let me give a small analogy..
when you go to the beach do you just jump in or touch the water and with your toes feel the water is too cold?? and back away??
think of your decision to ride and learn and take up horses again.. if you touch that water and feel it is cold. than you are never going to learn to swim. sometimes just a leap of faith we just have to "jump in that water" and once in decide if it is too cold.. i bet it will not be.. it will be all warm and soft and cozy..
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Post by horseless on Jan 6, 2017 22:53:25 GMT
❤❤❤❤I love your analogy!
Stay tuned, Im working on it. I didnt want to stretch us too thin with the holidays, so Im working on getting riding gear little by little right now. Turns out my helmet is expired. I also found a place that is more affordable for me. Even if I can only ride once or twice a month it will be worth it. Just gotta stick my toe in like you say.
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Post by horselady on Jan 7, 2017 1:41:47 GMT
What do you need..?? helmet size,, boots. breeches...?// perhaps answer that ad and see if they could use you for a few hours a week..
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Post by horseless on Jan 7, 2017 18:54:04 GMT
Yes just hoping to get a helmet, some boots, breeches, and a pair of gloves before I schedule a lesson. I did message the barn looking for help but they already found someone, I shouldve messaged them sooner.
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