mistersmom
Junior Member
Abita Springs, LA
Posts: 3,749 
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Post by mistersmom on Dec 23, 2013 1:22:11 GMT
It's been about 5 years since I have been on a "date" (mostly due to being hung up about my last boyfriend and then several years of dealing with debilitating panic disorder). Anyway, there is a guy at work who I thought was cute but recently went through a tough time with his (soon-to-be-ex) wife. I was letting things settle down a bit before trying to get up enough courage to ask him out. However, I found out Friday that he will be moving back to Canada in the next week or two (again, due to things with his ex). Since I don't go back to work until the new year, I decided to send him an email wishing him luck and letting him know that I was sorry he was leaving and that we never really got a chance to know each other outside of work. Well, he responded by saying he was flattered by my email and he wished we had been able to get to know each other better too. After we sent a message to each other through Facebook, he sends another message asking if I had time to meet for coffee before he leaves. Now I am freaking out because even though I know nothing will come of this, I haven't been on a date in so long and I haven't dated at all since I suffered from my panic disorder. It was only in the last year that my doctors and I have been able to figure out my medications to keep my attacks in check but I honestly have not pushed myself too far outside of my comfort zone since then. Sigh, please tell me that everything will be ok! I'm too old to feel this way (aren't I?), especially since nothing can/will come of this.  |
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Post by horselady on Dec 23, 2013 1:44:25 GMT
OK< just breath and say that this is for a coffee break and you will be ok.
he seems like he has been in a rough situation and he is probably just as nervous about your date as you are.
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mistersmom
Junior Member
Abita Springs, LA
Posts: 3,749
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Post by mistersmom on Dec 23, 2013 23:09:29 GMT
Ok, had coffee with Rob today. Good news is that my medicine must really be working as, although I was a bit nervous, I did not feel panicky. It is such a shame that he is leaving as I had a really great time and I think he did too. We spent an hour and a half chatting over coffee.
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Post by horselady on Dec 24, 2013 1:09:56 GMT
Does this mean a long distance romance is brewing lol coffee
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mistersmom
Junior Member
Abita Springs, LA
Posts: 3,749
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Post by mistersmom on Dec 24, 2013 16:04:28 GMT
Thanks guys. I wouldn't mind a long distance relationship but I think we would've had to have started working on developing a relationship a while ago (rather than 5 days before he is leaving. He is trying to spend as much time as possible with his 6 year old daughter before he leaves so I was appreciative that he asked to spend some time with me yesterday. If I had my way, we would drive to Baton Rouge (about an hour away) and go ice skating; but just no time.
I did send him a message yesterday evening telling him that I had a really nice time and thanked him for taking the time to share a cup of coffee with me. He wrote back: "I had a nice time too. I wish it didn't feel so rushed." Of course I replied, no problem and suggested we maybe go to dinner when he comes back in a few months and he said he would look forward to it.
I would like to keep messaging him but I don't want to be too "pushy" (I guess that is the word) or seem too desperate. I will send him a message tomorrow for Christmas and make sure to include some things he mentioned yesterday so that he knows I was paying attention to what we were talking about.
I was going to message him today and apologize for bringing up/talking about his (ex)wife and/or to let him know that I am not part of the huge gossip mill at work and that everything we talked about would be held in confidence. I really tried not to talk about it. But I decided against sending that message for reasons stated above. What do y'all think? I don't think I really brought it up but I did ask a few questions about it (like, did he think she would give him grief about moving their daughter back to Canada in the summer). I did make sure to change the subject back onto things about him rather than work and/or her.
Sigh....seems like timing is always my worst enemy when it comes to potential relationships.
So after this rambling, if anyone has any words of wisdom, please share them!
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Post by horselady on Dec 25, 2013 3:47:18 GMT
Too bad he is moving, and perhaps instead of messaging, just call him.if it is not a good time he will let you know and he will call back. messaging just does not allow your feelings to show and no way for him to hold a conversation by messaging. and perhaps invite him over for brunch before he leaves.
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mistersmom
Junior Member
Abita Springs, LA
Posts: 3,749
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Post by mistersmom on Dec 25, 2013 15:22:55 GMT
Thanks for the ideas. We haven't changed phone numbers yet. I sent him a Christmas message this morning but maybe will send him my phone number and let him know that, if he would needs to get out of the house, we could meet up for a little while.
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Post by horselady on Dec 25, 2013 17:26:03 GMT
Sounds like a idea, always talk , and make the offer to have desert and coffee, perhaps either out again or your place.
good luck
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mistersmom
Junior Member
Abita Springs, LA
Posts: 3,749
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Post by mistersmom on Dec 25, 2013 23:35:16 GMT
Well, I apologized for not thinking of it sooner but I would have invited him to my family's for Christmas lunch if he didn't have anywhere to go. I also gave him my number "in case he needed to get out/away before he leaves". His response: "I really appreciate the offer. While it won't be the most fun Christmas, I'm looking forward to spending as much time as I can with Cadence. I hope you have an awesome dinner with your family!"
I am going to pretty much leave it alone at this point. I will send him a quick message late tomorrow evening wishing him a safe trip back to Canada (he leaves on the 27th) but for now will leave it alone. It was just really bad timing I guess.
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Post by horselady on Dec 26, 2013 1:00:30 GMT
He has your number, and i would suppose the next contact is up to him. yes bad timing. but the long distance friendship is still in the making.
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nhg
Junior Member
Posts: 2,429
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Post by nhg on Dec 26, 2013 21:57:21 GMT
I just saw this thread for the first time so I'm just jumping in. I agree about leaving it for now and letting him make the next move. If he's interested he will but it doesn't sound like it can really go anywhere anyway so maybe he's a good guy to start your entry back into the world of dating with. I'm happy for you that it went well and you didn't get anxiety about the coffee date. Things like that are hard at any age. I'd hate to have to go out into the dating world now, I think it would be worse than in my twenties. Good for you for having the guts to go for it!
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mistersmom
Junior Member
Abita Springs, LA
Posts: 3,749
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Post by mistersmom on Dec 26, 2013 22:54:24 GMT
Thanks. I haven't heard from him but I know he was wanting to spend as much time as possible with his daughter since it will be a few months (at least) before he sees her again. I am going to send a quick note wishing him a safe trip but that will be all for now.
It was nice to realize that I can be ok on a social outing so at least something good came out of it. I don't know if he really is/will look forward to dinner or something when he comes back in a few months or if he was just being nice. I guess I will cross that bridge if/when it comes.
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mistersmom
Junior Member
Abita Springs, LA
Posts: 3,749
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Post by mistersmom on Dec 27, 2013 1:05:15 GMT
I sent a very short message "Just wanted to wish you a safe trip tomorrow. Keep in touch!", to which I got this reply "Thank you. I'm all packed up. Just need to get a good nights rest, have breakfast with Cadence then I'm on my way. I will keep in touch!". If he was just being polite, wouldn't he just say "Thanks", right?
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Post by horselady on Dec 27, 2013 1:49:47 GMT
For now consider this a practice session and now you can feel more comfortable going out again , good luck and yes he did message you a polite note so hopefully he will keep in touch with you from canada
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mingiz
Junior Member
Los Lunas, NM
Posts: 3,320
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Post by mingiz on Dec 27, 2013 19:13:28 GMT
Yes practice.... There are a lot of fish in the sea. Don't set yourself up for any disappointments. Not saying I don't want you to find that special person. But remember he's going through a divorce. Just keep a good train of what did I learn from my past experience.. Just saying.....
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