How to train your human

Now, when reading this, please do so in Riley's voice.

Now fillies and colts, wait, silly me, you don't know how Riley sounds, just use any old obnoxious voice, maybe your own horse's?

Young horses pay attention, there is a way to train your human.  When they first arrive and call you by name, you have two choices, pretend you don't hear them....or my personal favourite.  Amble your way slowly over to the gate and watch them while they get your brushes, your treats, etc do not, I repeat DO NOT, roll your eyes if you see the saddle.  I'll come back to that.

Once you've made sure they've got your brushes and treats and are walking towards you and the gate, cooing the silly jabber that they do, leisurely turn your back to the gate and wander off in the middle of the other horses.  Hopefully, the herd (if you've planned in advance) will be at the opposite end of the field.  As they stand at the gate calling you, take the opportunity to eat some more.  (silly people, what do they think we are, dogs?)

Once they hoof it (hoof, HAW HAW) out to where you are there are again two choices, walk away, not so fast to discourage, but more to tantalize, sooooo close.  After you feel they've had enough exercise, you may attach the lead to their hands.  Make them walk ahead of you, be coy, plant your feet.   

To avoid discouraging them allow them to pull you back to the gate.  Your human should be flushed and sweating.  Added bonus, this usually stops the silly cooing jabber.

Now, at this point I like to reward my human, by allowing her to lead the way tossing rose petals under my feet.  Well, she doesn't, but don't you think she should?  Stand quietly, while they gather your brushes, and wait for the signal to go ahead and eat some grass. 

I find it helps to calm them if you allow them to brush you ALLLLLL over.

Now comes the teaching part, you have to make sure they haven't forgotten everything they've learned, so when they try to make you walk away and stop eating, doesn't matter how full you are, you need to make them work.  IF they manage to get your head up, don't allow them to feel they have accomplished something, it could be a fluke.  Make them do it again.  Aaannd again repetition is the only way they will get it.  I like to mix it up a bit by trying to walk away, going left is my fave if they are trying to go right.

After that, I like to have my human drag me to round pen.  Mixing it up, sometimes walking, sometimes, eating, be careful here, I have tripped over my nose.  Allow them to catch their breath while you eat some more.  Once they are standing in the middle of the round pen, you can begin to walk around them.  If she's feeling a little frisky, I will pick up my pace.  She soon gets dizzy, although I have seen great improvement in this.  Making them chase you is a good way to build their muscles.  Move off, let them scramble back into the middle, stop, eat.  Repeat this several times, before allowing the cool down of letting them just walk in a small circle while you go around them on the outside.  I usually like treats at this point.  Mine, not hers.

If they have done well, and you have sufficiently worked them and they are tired (they will have given up completely on the saddle) have them lead you back to the field to your playmates.

Oh, I tried something new with mine today, I noticed she was wasn't paying close attention so I walked quickly away, allowing myself to remove the lead from her hand.  It was like the lesson was starting all over again.  It's especially amusing if you can get your herdmates to run interference.  I don't usually make them work after allowing a cool down, but honestly, my human has been looking a little chunky lately, it won't hurt her.