aes
New Member
Posts: 188 
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Post by aes on Dec 3, 2014 20:50:20 GMT
The time has come for my dad to go in a home. He's 81 and has dementia. He's still pretty with it memory wise but forgets to eat, how to use the phone, etc. His furnace went out in -25C and he did not know how to call anyone or even put on a coat. His mental health worker found him ice cold and took him to the hospital (willingly) for an assessment. So now he's in 'the system' and will be going into a nursing home. It's time and it was a matter of time.
At the moment, he thinks he's just in the hospital until his furnace is fixed and he's very happy. He worked there for 44 years and knows everyone, he's usually very isolated and lonely. But he thinks he's going back to his house, he doesn't know he's going in a home yet.
Does anyone have any advice, or similar experiences to share?
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mistersmom
Junior Member
Abita Springs, LA
Posts: 3,749
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Post by mistersmom on Dec 3, 2014 20:55:42 GMT
Karen should be able to help with this! We moved my grandfather into a home in September, well, it was more of a move into an end-of-life facility for him but he just keeps hanging on. We were lucky in the fact that he really doesn't understand how long he's been there. The day of the move he was really bad off and agreed he needed to go to the "hospital". Honestly, I think he thinks that's where he is. But as for advice, I'm sorry I'm not much help. I know this is extremely hard on you and your family so I am sending lots of warm thoughts and prayers and  your way. |
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Post by horselover4life on Dec 3, 2014 22:18:07 GMT
Karen would be the best one to offer opinion from her caregiver experience dealing with those "needing-help" as a profession.
I can offer though till she can get you some information that if dad thinks he is going home but his house had a furnace problem...don't tell him otherwise...just gently "evade" giving the answer to him.
"His heat isn't fixed yet so he must go somewhere where he will be warm and safe..."
Please, just because your dad goes to a facility for his care and safe well-being does not mean he is not loved, farthest from the truth. Don't feel guilt because you look to keep him safe.
It is because you care so much you recognize he needs more care and supervision to stay safe and healthy.
My dad was in a nursing home for several years before he passed.
He was of completely sound mind but his body was "falling-apart" and my mom and I could no longer take care of his worsening medical needs at home anymore.
We, all of my family, still went and saw my dad often, my mom actually every day after work.
Dad was always home for holidays with us then went "home" to the facility to sleep at night as he got to feel that was his safe place...
A nursing home can be a lonely place for some, for others it becomes a extension of home and new friends to enjoy the company of.
We as a family made it our business to include our dad, for him to remain in our lives as best we could...not always easy but possible to do.
to you, your family and especially your dad....
Don't forget to tell him your feelings.
Ask his opinion on all kinds of things and matters where he will need to think, stimulate his mind...it may help him some. 
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aes
New Member
Posts: 188
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Post by aes on Dec 3, 2014 22:22:48 GMT
Thanks guys. It's my dad not my grand-dad. He lives the next province over so I'm not close enough to really help out.
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Post by horselover4life on Dec 3, 2014 23:10:37 GMT
My apologies....I will fix my post.
The fact though is you can still be a active part of his life...use a telephone, call and speak to him often.
It will fill the ache in your heart and make him happy that you took the time to call.
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aes
New Member
Posts: 188
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Post by aes on Dec 3, 2014 23:47:42 GMT
No worries HL, and thanks for your support. I don't feel guilty, more relieved that I don't have to worry about him alone in that house anymore. I just know he's going to freak once he realizes he won't be going home. It was past due.
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Post by horselady on Dec 4, 2014 2:18:37 GMT
My dad was in a rehab facility and never came home. he tolerated being there as he was so independent and stubborn and he had his mental faculties not his physical. and was getting dialysis 3 times a week.
once your dad is comfortable and settled he will adjust. and at least knowing some of the people there already is a big help. the meals and companionship can not be replaced and the peace of mind you have knowing he is being given his meds. and food and the home is warm.
you go visit whenever you can and send cards and gifts. he will get them.
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hugs
Junior Member
Posts: 2,647
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Post by hugs on Dec 4, 2014 2:42:15 GMT
My mom is in a nursing home now but before that she was in memory care. I have a brother but he isn't able to help make decisions or be involved in any way so it has all been on me since 2005. Since I am on my own making decisions and such its been pretty straight forward, I don't have to worry about consensus. But I can say that it was a learning curve for me to become the "parent" as my mom's dementia progressed.
I used to think I had to do everything possible to meet her wants and respond to her complaints. I tried, it doesn't work and it became clear that her wants weren't always in her best interest. I have "conversations" with her that have no meaning whatsoever except to the inside of her head. She doesn't remember my name, if Gerald and Coda go to visit when I'm out of town she calls me "the other one". She's confused about who I am and called me her mom. When I said that, "No, you're my mom and I'm your daughter", she correctly stated, "You take care of me all of the time, so you're my mom". Can't argue with that.
I always bring flowers, cookies and candy every visit. I don't know about dad's and flowers but maybe he likes mechanical magazines with a lot of diagrams and pictures. My mom was an avid reader but that doesn't work so well anymore.
We go out to eat when the weather permits and just drive around and look, that's a big deal, to get out and look. So is bringing a pet, some places allow miniature horses to visit, that just makes a person's day to pet a dog or cat, it means so very much to some of us.
The biggest and most important responsibility is to make sure your dad is safe and his needs are being met, you are his advocate. You visit and keep him company and show you care. The staff should take care of the rest.
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your way.
