nhg
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Post by nhg on Jul 29, 2014 23:23:01 GMT
My husband used to be slim and he's a smart man who educates himself on many things.
He started gaining weight just in the abdomen a couple of years ago. This is a major sign of cardio issues and scares the crap out of me. Its getting progressively bigger and actually gets in the way. He'll bump into me with it. Its like he isn't used to the size of it yet.
I watch what he eats and he just eats too much crap. Last Friday he had a hamburger and a milkshake for lunch and then a steak sandwich and fries and ceasar salad for dinner. Later he had a cream puff.
Sunday he got up and made a huge breakfast of eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast. He uses platter sized plates so he can get lots of food on it.
I've tried talking about it and have told him how worried I am but he argues about how much he eats or that he eats that badly. When I talk about the signs of heart disease he dismisses me. He can look this stuff up but he'd rather not believe it.
His doctor told him he has high cholesterol and wanted him to eat better for a month and then get retested but he's never gone back.
I don't want to hurt his feelings but I also don't want to be a widow. And suggestions?
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hugs
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Post by hugs on Jul 29, 2014 23:46:56 GMT
I have the same problem. I have it with myself and with Gerald. Gerald has gotten heavier since he retired and it bothers him but he says he can't work as hard a he needs to because he has a knee problem, which is true. The heckuvitall is that he eats too much, eats the wrong stuff and is blithely in denial about all of it. From time to time I call him Cleopatra, Queen of Denial, but I can't seem to master my own eating, so who am I to talk?
For many reasons the way we eat is SO DANG DIFFICULT to change. We can know in our heads what we ought to do, but to do it on our own? Oh man, I've been struggling for years. My only consolation is that if I weren't so hyper vigilant I'd weigh a lot more! So I guess in some ways I'm winning.
But a man, he is a special beast, I don't know what motivates them. Sex, I guess.
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Post by horselover4life on Jul 30, 2014 0:02:22 GMT
I know you aren't up to food shopping yet...
So when you get to that point it will be so much easier for you to regulate what goes in his mouth.
Have him make his lunch from now on instead of buy it. Sandwich, fruit, something crunchy and a treat, drink. Wait till you see how much $$ you save over a month!!
For dinner, a large salad before the meal arrives at the table, low calorie salad dressing you pre-toss on to the greens...meat and 2 vegetables, melon/watermelon for dessert... beverage with dinner. Do your best to get rid of the potatoes, noodles and rice dishes...
Try cutting out the soda/pop and sugary drinks.
Increase the salad greens or add a extra side of fresh cut up sliced vege. for garnishing.
Breakfast of 2 soft-boiled eggs, 2 pieces of toast** and a dish of fresh fruit...that can look like a lot of food and to actually put it together on the plate to eat {he does this} takes time to peel eggs, put jam/jelly on toast** and eat mixed fruit. {You can buy fruit in cans, just use 100% juice or water for the liquid and get away from the heavy or light syrup.}
Milk for coffee or tea...buy 1% or 2%..it looks near the same but cuts the fats ingested considerably.
If you can just reduce his fat intake it would make a difference.
Chicken, pork, fish for meals...not so much beef, red meat and try hard to do away with the fried food and fast foods. High in calories low in what is good for you...
Depending on his age it is also now harder for him to lose weight just like us...
A check-up with the doctor is in order. If his cholestrol is high he needs to address that issue before he does damage to his arteries and veins, salt intake and water retention may need a water pill and overweight and sedentary is a recipe for high blood pressure as you already know. {Tea is a diuretic but that is plain tea and caffeine in moderation or it affects the BP}
Unless he though is willing and wants to make changes you will be beating a dead horse trying to force this on him... He needs to want it too and work with you not against your best intentions.
Just some "food for thought"....
smileys-home-510691
** is browned bread under a hot element since this crazy place makes my Toast a alcoholic beverage symbol!!**
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hugs
Junior Member
Posts: 2,647
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Post by hugs on Jul 30, 2014 0:16:22 GMT
Eating breakfast, never skipping meals, makes a BIG difference too!
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nhg
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Post by nhg on Jul 31, 2014 0:35:02 GMT
Thanks for the suggestions. I've been dealing with this for a few years. I'll make a good healthy meal and he'll get out something to add to make it unhealthy. Or he just gets stuff at the store on his way to work. He loves pastries.
Because of my IBS there's lots of bad things I don't eat and I just don't like donuts and I'm not a big chocolate eater. Despite this I struggle with my weight but my doctor says that between my underactive thyroid and tumour on my pituitary gland it makes it much harder to lose and keep off weight.
As far as cooking for him, I rarely do because of the hours he works. He's rarely home for supper. This has sprung up because I've been watching him eat big breakfasts and fast food lunches and huge dinners and all the crap in between. The other day he drank five pops (sodas) that I saw. He picks up large hot chocolates from Tim Hortons on a regular basis, too.
And he can eat a plate of food at an astonishing rate.
Since you brought up sex hl I'll mention that. Because of the physical issues I'm having that's not happening. And I really want that tummy gone before we resume that part of our lives. It actually scares me.
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Post by horselady on Jul 31, 2014 1:14:39 GMT
A food aholic is just as bad as an alcoholic. or a person addicted to drugs. they will not stop unless they want to.
what you can do is perhaps not buy the bad food. and let him buy it out of his spending monies.
you keep salads and meats. and veggies on hand and make those. stay away from white foods. and sugar laden drinks and juices.
did you know that cranberry juice has over 80 grams of sugar or carbs in 8 oz. i love it and i refuse to drink it.
also see if he will go to a doctor for a check up and perhaps give the doc a heads up.
if that does not work than he will have to admit he has a eating problem and needs to control his food intake.
as for the large platter size dinner dishes. get rid of them. and replace them with normal size dishes and put away the leftovers asap. so they are cold .
what every you do try not to nag. about his weight. i think the more you say something about it the more he will rebel and continue his horrible eating habits.
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Post by horselover4life on Jul 31, 2014 1:59:03 GMT
Points well made hl...
Once everyone stopped harassing me about my weight, I quietly started to lose it because I wanted to not because everyone pestered me to.
My choice or it would not be gone...and it is still 41 and 3/4 pounds gone and off.
It does make a difference in my everyday existence.
I even gained a new wardrobe of clothes given me for gifts that were very pretty but to tight now fit and look nice on me.
Not quite 4" off my waist... I can get those jeans on but can't breathe comfortable and have a huge fat roll showing...forget trying to sit down. I try every few days/week to see if any looser...I will get there on my own terms...
But it was me who had to want it...no one else but me!!! 
It is going to have to be his choice... his decisions to make to get it off and keep it off.
That is the hard part...he needs to want it to succeed at it...
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nhg
Junior Member
Posts: 2,429
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Post by nhg on Jul 31, 2014 5:06:52 GMT
He has no problem buying his own food or eating alone in a restaurant.
I was hoping there was a magic bullet solution.
Thanks so much for trying to help.
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hugs
Junior Member
Posts: 2,647
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Post by hugs on Jul 31, 2014 23:26:10 GMT
Gosh, I was kind of hoping there was an answer so I could use it on myself. I guess a person first has to admit that they have a problem they need to address and I mean to know exactly what needs to change. I know of a lot of folks who are overweight but have adjusted their lifestyle downward to accommodate it for so long that it doesn't seem like a problem anymore, its "just how it is".
Then a person has to look for possible solutions. But I think even if a person had those two things open and honest in their heart of hearts they have to get over the inertia to actually do something to change what they've been doing!
Which makes me think of how horses figure whatever it is they're doing is fine the way it is and there is no other solution. It isn't until we step in and physically and directly make what they were doing less appealing or even actually stopping them from doing it that they think, "Hmmm, this isn't what I want to have happen, how am I going to get out of this mess?!" You know the old "pressure motivates, release teaches".
So what pressure do you see you putting on your husband so that he looks for relief? I bet there is even just a little something. After all, no matter how it seems he does love you and want you to be happy with him. Men are kinda funny people, they usually don't like to admit to anything that says that they aren't captains of their destiny. But if you were to show him that what he's doing is really undermining something that he feels is precious, then he'll look for the relief or change in his behavior. But you know, be aware that you've also been living with this for a long time too and if you change what you do, it'll feel uncomfortable too. Best to start small, I think.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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Post by horselady on Aug 1, 2014 0:45:37 GMT
Unfortunately the bullet is food for him. a slow and heavy death if he does not stop eating himself to make himself feel better.
i bet he is depressed and with the attention on you for these past weeks he wants some of it also.
make an appointment for him to see a doctor for a check up and let the doctor insist he go on a diet and exercise program.
diet that for letter word.
just by cutting out some bread. potatoes, sugar, and read the label. even in yogurt with fruit is tons of sugar. and cereal is a diabetes waiting to happen. soooo much sugar and empty calories.
perhaps a atkins diet will be good for him. lots of meat. eggs fish and veggies all day from breakfast to snack and a person is never hungry.
worth a try.
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